Cruising On the Briney

Standin' on the dock at Southampton..

We like to cruise.  When I say we’ve been on a cruise, people always want to know:  What was it like?  Before I can answer, prejudgments break out like a teenager who’s dropped his Clearasil.

“I don’t want to hang out with a bunch of geezers!”

“If a close friend ain’t dead, I ain’t wearin’ no coat and tie!”

“You don’t really get to see anything.”

“I hear the food is terrible.”

“I don’t wear diapers and I don’t want to be rocked to sleep!”

“Cruises are a big rip off!”

We’ve taken three cruises, not counting a long ago adventure when our main preoccupations were wiping noses and changing diapers.

Baltic.  British Isles & Ireland. Western Mediterranean.

We recently returned from the Western Med. Before I get too drunk to write, please indulge some of my observations, which both agree and disagree with the previous comments.  I’ve been a fence sitter so long my thighs have splinters.

I like cruises.  Lots of reasons.  First off, it’s an easy get-away.  Relax while somebody else makes the bed, turns down the covers, leaves bites of chocolate on the pillows, presents splendid meals, cleans up afterwards, brings a double Manhattan while I lounge by the pool, soaking up the sun and watching bikinis pass in review.  No sudden phone calls that make me gallop this way and that.  Roof never leaks, and if it does, somebody else fixes it.

Feel like working up a sweet sweat?  Off to the well-equipped gym, followed by a soak in the hot tub. 

Watch the bursting sunrise and dreamy sunset.  Join friends for a nightcap, in a fabulous bar overlooking the wide, blue sea.

Meet new people.  We usually sign up for sit-down dinners.  Assigned tables. Wait-staff in black and white.  Let’s us relax and chat with people face to face, over a sumptuous meal, while we pry into private lives and public opinions.

Onboard, I go to every announced meeting.  Veterans.  On this last trip I hung out with some new RAF buddies.  Drinkers Without Borders.  Yep, great group. Lectures on history and art.  Previews of the next port.

Chatted amicably over coffee and eggs with complete strangers from around the world.  UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Nigeria, Jordan, India, the Philippines, Alabama, and New Jersey.

Funny how when we’re in the States, people from different parts of the country, or even adjoining states are suspicious of each other.  Northerners aren’t fond of southerners.  Southerners think Yankees are stuck up and rude.  People from Georgia make fun of people from Alabama.  Then all of a sudden, you find yourself far from home and hear a familiar accent.  You’re American?  Come on, Buddy, I’ll buy you a drink.  Oh, you’re from England?  Why damn, we’re first cousins!

I always learn something interesting.  A Filipina wine steward told us about her kids, staying with grandparents.  Her husband just quit his job to go back to be with them.  She misses her family everyday, but she still has a beautiful smile when she brings us our wine.

Ever hear of a “cool shooter?”  Fellow from Yorkshire, England, described one of the on-board singers as “E’s sooch uh bot singa, E cutn’t b uh cool shooter.”  His wife translated.  When the guy was a youngster, “Coal Shouters” would roll their barrows down the street yelling for people to come out and buy coal.  “He’s such a bad singer, he couldn’t even be a coal shouter.”

Professor from Jordan, now an American University Professor, ranted at me about how everything bad in the world is America’s fault.  I managed not throw up as I left the breakfast table.

Cracking king crab legs, we met an Australian couple that had toured extensively in the U.S.  Been a few places I hadn’t.  They plan on going back, soon.  Americans are friendly, they said. Prices are reasonable.  Such a big country!

So many things to do on a cruise.  Bingo. Ukulele lessons. Dance lessons.  Massages at the spa. Photo instruction. Cooking lessons.  Martini demonstrations. Music of every sort, every day.  Floor shows.  Magicians.  Acrobats. Comedians. Games.

Ukulele Recital in the Ship's Piazza

Tried to participate in trivia:  One-hit wonders from the 70’s and 80’s in the UK.  Tunes and performers.  With quite a bit of help, we managed 9 out of 42.  The martini was excellent.  The winner had a perfect score. 

Ok, how about some specifics on the aforementioned complaints.  Bunch of geezers:  If you cruise when school is out, you’re likely to have a bigger mix of ages and infirmities. Families like to include, grandma, grandpa and the four kids.  Also, the Mediterranean is definitely the most popular spot for families.  Might want to stay away from the bigger ships.

Food.  Our experience on two big ships and one medium ship is that the food is excellent.  Paid extra for a steak in the Grill Room and it was worth every cent.

Well over 200 on the cooking staff.  They prepare about 16,000 meals a day.

Carpaccio with fruit compote

Aged beef...best steak I've had in a long time!

Bread pudding

There may be one or two or three formal nights in the assigned seating dining rooms, but no one forces you to attend.  Head straight to the ‘anytime eating’ if that’s your preference.  Formal nights also mean different things on different cruise lines.  Sometimes it’s merely coat and tie for gents, or just a coat.  Sometimes it’s more.

Big ship or small ship:  Big ships generally have 3000+ passengers.  But, they’re built for it, meaning crowding is not a problem and meals are not slow or inadequate.  Usually three swimming pools and bigger everything else.  More entertainment.

Medium ships:  About 1000-1200 passengers.  Less entertainment. 1 or 2 swimming pools.  A bit less crowded.  Service is still great.  Often the medium to small ships (500-800 passengers) can get into smaller ports, or the itinerary can be a bit farther off the beaten track.

Big and Medium ships ride the waves magnificently.  Sometimes I’ve been rocked gently to sleep, but only when there was a raging gale outside.

Ripoff?  On a 12 day cruise, you will stop at 6-8 ports.  Per person cost for an interior cabin is around $2000.  Cost for a balcony cabin is around $3000.  Those are general numbers, so think plus or minus $500.  Now think of visiting 6 to 8 major port cities without a cruise.  Add in the hotel, meals, and transportation.  You might also add in the time factor.  Think you can do it in 12 days?

Ok, you’re got your itinerary picked out.  Now, which cruise line?  A good place to start is cruisecritic.com.  Read about every cruise line and every one of their ships and every one of their cruises.

When things are a toss up, many experienced cruisers pick the newest ship.

This summer, we saw Gaudi’s cathedral in Barcelona, prowled an open air market and drank wine and ate cheese in Corsica, sauntered through the coliseum, the Sistine Chapel and St Peter’s, rubbed shoulders with the fabulously wealthy in Monaco, and did it all within our means. 

Yep, the people who don’t like cruises, probably either had a bad experience, or have not yet taken a cruise.  Fair enough.  Meanwhile we’re planning our next one.

Hey, folks, this was only the opening….specific travel adventures to follow!