From London: Signs of the Times Part 2

A glance at the never-ending saga of life in London, and around the world.  Time to focus on things that matter.  By the way, these are real bits and pieces from the pages of The Times:

Letters to the Editor:

“Should the statue of Sir Nigel keep its duck?”  No telling how many times I’ve tossed and turned over this.

“Sir, having grown up in Watton at Stone, the Herefordshire village where Sir Nigel Gresley lived, I was delighted at the prospect of seeing his statue at King’s Cross.  Mallards still prosper on the river Beane that ran through his garden and the village. The mallard humanitises the statue somehow.  Without it, the statue loses its appeal to all but steam railway buffs…”

Humanitises?  It’s a statue of a duck for god’s sake, next to a statue of a man.  And what’s the writer got against railway buffs?  I mean, really!

Another reader clarifies the question:  “In 1936, Germany took the railway steam speed world record with a 124.5 mph run…those onboard included Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard Heydrich…Two years later, on July 3, a Gresley locomotive, named after…a pond duck, LINER No. 4468 Mallard, snatched away that speed record and kept it forever. That is so wonderfully British.”

Yes, take that, you Nazi bastards!  Leave it to the British to concentrate on the important things!  Coal for the boiler!  Stiff breeze in the face!  Raise a statue of a man and a duck!

Another reader wrote to say, forget Sir Nigel’s statue and the duck. How about all the pheasants being killed on the motorways????  Murder most fowl!

On the International Front:

“Prostitutes in Tajikistan are being accused of hiding their faces behind Islamic veils to win well-off clients…While sex workers in many other countries expose more flesh to attract attention…(the Tajik prostitutes) earned more money by wearing veils to make them more attractive to potential customers.”   

These customers were either extremely shy or wanted to be able to say to the judge, “I have no idea who that woman is.”

Keep that burka on, Babe! I ain’t here to kiss you. 

On to Who Knew?

“Power posing helps confidence, but does not boost hormones.”  I’m shocked! 

“Power posing, such as pressing the hands on the hips, or leaning back with arms crossed behind the head, does not actually work, researchers suggested.  Standing or sitting in a certain way was believed to raise testosterone levels and lower cortisol, the stress hormone.”

Believed by whom, men hooked on male enhancement pills?  Wives who think their husbands love them more than beer?

Researchers suggested?  Cowards!  Wave the bullshit flag and euthanize the scurvy dogs.

Back to London:

“Peril of London’s Exploding Streets”

“Firefighters were still tackling an underground blaze last night more than 24 hours after it broke out in a service tunnel…Thousands lost power….Richard Beddoe, Westminster City Council’s cabinet member for city management, says there has been a worrying trend of pavements exploding in London.”

A worrying trend?  Now you’re got my attention! On a given day, exactly how many London streets explode?  What are the worst exploding street months?  Are exploding streets seasonal?  Any connection between exploding streets and stumbling drunks?  God, I hope not.

I suspect other cabinet members are busy working on these trends:  Socks that unravel, alcohol and amnesia, projectile vomiting, loss of sexual function caused by swinging toilet doors, squeaky shoe irritation.

A Peek at the wacky world known as France:

“Promoting excessive skinniness will become a criminal offence in France under a law approved by parliament yesterday to combat ‘thinspiration’ sites on the internet.”

Offenders will be force-fed and their livers harvested for foie gras.

I suspect the honorable member from Estomac-sur-le Ceinture (stomach over the belt) introduced this measure.