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| Off the coast of Iceland |
How do you pick a
cruise? Ok, let’s break it down,
excluding those faithful readers with their own ocean going yachts.
The BIG one: Where do you want to go?
Small ship or big ship?
What was the payout on your
lottery ticket?
Do you plan to travel with fearsome
urchins?
Do you think a crowd with an
average age of seventy is too damn young, by cracky?
Like heavy metal, accompanied
by smashing guitars, or amiable and subdued adult conversation over drinks?
Big fan of floorshows?
Need a lot of activities?
Like to have all expenses
included?
Excursions?
The BIG one was easy. But, if you don’t know where you want to go,
just throw a dart at the cruise board and don’t forget to buy me a ticket. I haven’t been on a bad cruise. I haven’t even been on a so-so cruise. Everywhere I go, I see things I haven’t seen,
meet exciting people, drink exciting booze…ex-citing cetera.
The rest of the questions you
can answer yourself. But, thoughtful
devil that I am, I do have a few comments to open your feverish mind to
possibilities and pitfalls.
As for the size of the ship,
my first inclination pointed me toward a small ship. When you talk in terms of a cruise ship,
small means about 600 passengers, give or take.
Large ships go to six or seven times that. The large ships I’ve been on run in the 3500
passenger class. Bottom line: Both categories have their strengths, but
overall, I like to go bigger. More
activities, from bingo to ukulele lessons, salsa lessons, photography lessons,
cooking lessons, and so forth. I end up
promising my exhausted self, “You don’t have to do everything!” If you don’t watch it, activities will begin
to interfere with drinking and flirting time!
Also, on large ships, there are more choices about where to eat and
drink, and a greater variety of music while you sip a cocktail. Plus, I like a balcony and more room choices
are available on larger ships.
“But,” you say, “A big ship
is bound to be more crowded.” Not
so. In fact, in my experience, just the
opposite. For some reason, I always seem
to be elbow to elbow on a smaller vessel.
How about cabin choices? My preference is always for a balcony, or barring
that an unobstructed ocean view. Inside
births are cheaper, but I don’t like to feel boxed in.
How can an ocean view be
obstructed? Lifeboats or other ship’s
structures and paraphernalia. As for the
best area, I prefer mid-ship, but it’s not a strong preference. Modern ships have additions to the hull that
smooth out all but the very roughest seas.
If you plan to travel with
children (you poor unfortunates), you need to look at the individual cruise
lines. Some offer morning to evening
entertainment designed around little whiners who don’t want to be on a
cruise. But, if you’re averse to hearing
screams down the passageways, and swimming pools swarming with obnoxious
splashers, do your research. There are
several ways to tip yourself off: Less
expensive cruises will have more kids. If school is out they will be teeming. I pay a little more for more serenity.
Cruise companies know their
customers and cater accordingly. Cruise
lines (with the exception of those my wife will not permit me to go on) will not
turn you away if you have kids. The
opposite is also true. My last sailing could have been called “The Geriatrics’
Revenge Cruise.” Many passengers tipped precariously near the brink of
mortality. But, they were pleasant and
each time we met, it was a new experience for them. Children?
Only pesky stowaways begging for crusts of brioche.
Cost: Don’t go by the ticket price alone. Ask what’s included. Some tickets also include airfare. On some lines, everything is included. Drinks.
Excursions. Airfare. Everything.
Also, you can bargain. Much to my
chagrin, I found myself paying for drinks, when the person on the barstool
beside me had his included. There are
all sorts of discounts available, and onboard credits. Military. Seniors. Teachers. Illegals (California cruises only).
On my last cruise, we paid
about $4200 per person. However, when we
included drinks, excursions, and trips to the salon, our additional tab came to
another, cardiac arresting $2500. I love
Princess Cruise Line, but they nickel and dime you until you just want the
financial pain to end. Want that bottle
of water that’s in your cabin? Costs you
$1.50. Cocktails are $8.95. Use of the Internet is $.79 per minute, but
with sign on and sign off, it’s closer to $5 to do a lightening fast check of
your email and not answering anything unless your voice carries. If you want a cappuccino or espresso, get
your wallet ready. There are ‘drink
packages’ available, which I computed to save you only a bit of money if you
have six cocktails a day, everyday, per person.
A word about excursions. If you like a smaller group, say 10-15
people, you’ll have to get private excursions.
Often they are reasonably priced, sometimes less financially painful than
those the cruise line offers. But, the
best of the private excursions fill up fast, so don’t dally. Personally, I’m a
fan of the smaller style. On our Baltic
cruise, we had private excursions and they were excellent.
Excursions offered by the
cruise lines are not bad, but you have to contend with sardine style buses,
accompanied by one guide mumbling on a crackly mike.
Excursions run the gamut
time-wise, from all day to only a couple of hours. You see more with the longer tours, but
you’ll also be on a bus for up to a couple of hours each way. Often wheelchair
occupants are barred.
Entertainment has been
wonderful on every cruise I have been on. Every cruise line will thrill and
delight with Las Vegas style floorshows, comedians, magicians and bands.
I have been talking strictly
ocean cruises. There are also river
cruises galore, of which I have not yet had the privilege, but I’ve heard good
things. Then there are overland and ocean cruise combinations.
The secret to good cruising
is study and preparation. In
summary:
1. Pick the right cruise line
and style for where you want to go.
2. Bargain over what’s
included.
3. Develop your own excursion
package (with the cruise line or privately)
4. You’re going to have a fab cruise!
All the possibilities are
there! Here are a couple of web sites to
help you along:
Feel free to put additional
questions in the comment section and give you my best answer.
