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Friday, February 17, 2012

Guacamole Olé

Guacamole comes from the Aztec word, ahuaca-mulli, meaning beat an avocado to death and eat it with chips, or drop by the volcano and toast a virgin.  Not sure which. My Aztec is as rusty as my grandpa’s liver.  Actually, in the early centuries (way before there were instruments of instant gratification, like Skype, and sexting), the avocado was hailed as an aphrodisiac, which partially accounts for it’s popularity among the Aztecs, the Spanish conquistadors, and men of all races and ethnicities over the age of fifteen.  It’s a myth, of course, much like finding the ideal mate, keeping all your hair until you’re ninety, or getting a doctor to tell you your cholesterol level is perfect.  Hey, wait a sec!  Avocado has only .7 percent saturated fat and no cholesterol, so eat avocadoes and concentrate on the other two.
Now that we’ve established that an avocado, the main ingredient in guacamole, is one slick, non-cholesterol fruit, what about the rest of its bonafides?   A serving of one ounce has forty-five calories, of which 39 are fat.  Good news.  Calorie-wise, it’s like eating healthy chocolate cake.
Back to Guacamole.  Always remember that there are two parts to a great guacamole, the guacamole itself and the chips.  Neglect the chips and it’s like trying to make a great sandwich with fluffy, white supermarket bread, or a fab pizza with a pre-fab crust.  So, let’s discuss the chips.  There is one way and no other.  You must fry the chips yourself.  If you don’t have a favorite brand of corn tortillas, try out a few brands and find one that’s not too thick and crisps nicely.  If your mate whines that it will take too long, and reaches for a bag of chemically enhanced, made by the ton, pseudo-chips, ignore, him, her, or them. (I already warned you it was tough to find the perfect mate.)

Chips. Cut the corn tortillas into quarters (see photo, or grab your third grade math book) and fry them in a little healthy oil in a frying pan or a deep fat fryer. On medium heat, they get crisp in a hurry.  Scoop the crisp chips onto a nest of paper towels to drain and sprinkle on the salt.  Takes almost no time and makes all the crispy, crunchy, flavorful difference.

Now for the green stuff.

2 or 3 avocadoes (Hass works best, but I like the slick-skinned Florida avocado as well)
3 Tablespoons finely chopped onions
1 clove garlic, chopped fine
2 Tablespoons French dressing
2-3 Tablespoons thinly chopped tomatoes
1 Tablespoon hot sauce
Salt and pepper to taste

Note to my European readers:  how to convert American measures to European measures:

Put all ingredients in a food processor, or mash and mix by hand.  Turn the food processor on briefly.  I like my guacamole a little chunky, but if you like yours silky smooth, just keep on pressing the button.  Taste, and add more salt, pepper, and hot sauce, if needed.
Serve with your favorite beverages, and of course your perfect mate.  I was only kidding about not being able to find one.  Blush, blush.


  1. Hey, Sr. Stroud: Skip the salt on the chips. Better yet, don't cut up the tortillas, roll each one of them instead into a tight taco, fill them with whatever left over meat (or cheese) you might have in the fridge, hold the rolled taco with a toothpick, and fry them lightly. Use them to scoop up the guacamole. Don't eat the toothpick.

  2. And for God's sake DON'T call it guac!