Beer Bread and Other Short Stories

I like simple.  Why?  Well, my so-called better half- I say so-called because apparently one person disagrees; anyone else with me? – likes to suddenly invite people over for coffee, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and other times that interfere with my alcohol assisted tranquility.  The other day she actually asked me if I couldn’t find another use for beer besides drinking it to point of no return, or in my words, X-T-C.

Being a ‘people person’ and indulgent of others’ eccentricities to a fault, I quickly replied, “Of course, Dear” and proceeded to bend her over the bathtub and wash her hair.  I could tell almost immediately, from the high pitched squeal penetrating my Earbuds, even with my iPod at full volume, the involuntary nature of what I’d done.  You do what you can to please a woman and what do you get?  It’s not a rhetorical question. The answer is unpredictably random. Chaos theory.

I was shocked.  What else can I do with beer?  Make bread?

Her hair curls even more after a beer shampoo, but even so, she smiled.

Beer bread?  Why the hell didn’t she just say so to begin with?  Let’s see.  Two cases in the garage, two six packs in the fridge.  Maybe I can spare a bottle.

This is just the thing for when guests (only one of you expected) suddenly appear at your door, hungry eyed and hopeful.  Yes, it is beer bread, but go out on a limb and serve it for breakfast; that is if you’ve already tired of those delicious biscuits and scones I’ve shown you ingrates how to make.

Beer Bread

3 Cups all-purpose flour (384 grams)

2 Tablespoons baking powder (45 grams)

1 teaspoon salt (I use kosher salt)

3 Tablespoons sugar (45 grams)

1 12 oz bottle of beer (355 ml)

1/4 Cup butter (57 grams)

Melt the butter in a small sauce pan.  Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl.  Add the beer to the dry mixture and mix to the lumpy stage.  Pour the batter in a greased loaf pan.  Pour the melted butter over the top and pop the pan in the oven.

Bake for about 40 minutes, but unless you are very sure of your oven and have made this bread before, it’s best to check the bread at the 30 minute stage and adjust your time from there.

I told you this was simple.  From grabbing the ingredients, to mixing the bread and getting it in the oven, to making your kitchen spotless once again, the total time is ten minutes.  Which leaves plenty of time to grab a cold one out of the frig.

“Honey is your hair dry yet?  No rush.  I’m going to need another hour on this bread.”