Thursday, May 12, 2016

Olive Oil Fest (Das Olivenölfest) in Zell am Zellertal




A view of Zellertal



An olive oil festival in the tiny village of Zellertal, on a high hill in the midst of wine country?  I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when the wine merchants and village elders sat around, downing schnapps shooters and playing ‘who’s got the dumbest idea?”
            “We need to have a fest.”
            “Why?”
“Every podunk in the entire country has a fest!  That’s why!”
“Maybe a wine fest?”
Heads shaking around the table.  Someone pipes up.  “Too damn many wine fests already.  We need something….well, I don’t know….something…”
            “How ‘bout a bicycle fest?”
Murmurs of disapproval.  “We live on top of a mountain! What’s the crowd going to look like? Five sweaty guys with legs like fence posts?”
            “Chicken plucking festival?”
            “Dirt scattering fest?”
            “I think you’re on to something.”
            From the far corner:  “Yeah, drugs.”
            “I know, I know…,” a big smile, “Olive oil fest!”  A dead silence descends.  Pondering continues, the silence broken on by the clink of a bottle on the rims of schnapps glasses.
            “Olive oil fest?”
            “Why not?”
            “We don’t grow olives is the main drawback.”
            Enthusiasm brews.  “We could serve fish!”
            “I know there’s a point you’re trying to make, but it escapes me at present.”
            “We could import the oil.”
            Pent up sarcasm. “And afterwards, when we’re stuck with a few dozen leftover barrels?”
“We have a fish fry.”
            “Yeah, we could empty the whole North Sea.”
            “Very funny.”
            “Ok how about a Tibetan music fest?”
            “Holy mother of Bacchus, you guys are getting further off track than a blind tour guide in the Sahara.”
            “Let’s do all three!”  Another round of schnapps magically appears and suddenly it all makes sense.  An olive oil festival at a tiny hilltop village in Germany, where no olive oil is produced, hundreds of miles from the sea, and surrounded by acres and acres of vineyards, serving fish, and musical entertainment with Tibetan chants.

Leave it to the wine merchants and city elders of Zellertal to think outside the barrel!  So far, none have been arrested for hallucinogens.
.
Tins of Spanish Olive Oil
So what happened?  The fest has grown every year!  Last weekend, crowds filled the streets. Long lines queued for wine, beer and fish.  Cars filled every two-lane highway leading to town, and traffic wardens earned enough money to buy vacation homes where the weather is warm and olive trees grow in the yard.  Turns out the merchants and elders weren’t so dumb after all!






Tents sold everything imaginable, including oil from Spain (world’s largest producer), Italy (world’s largest importer/exporter), Greece and Turkey, numbers three and four and Morocco, number eight.  There may have been more, but my curiosity was kicked aside by an overriding thirst for some juice of the grape.  A chilled Portugieser rosé was just the thing.  Hey, this is wine country! 



Portugieser Grapes
Back to olive oil.  Where does the U.S. rank?  A respectable 16th.  All this acquired from my diligent research, on behalf of my faithful readers.

Here’s a question for you:  besides cooking, salad dressing, and naked wrestling, what else is olive oil used for?  Chapped lips, hand moisturizer, mix with cat food to eliminate hairballs, rub into dry hair to control frizz.

How about hair growth, as in curing hair loss?  I’m kidding right?  Nope. (http://www.md-health.com/Olive-Oil-For-Hair-Growth.html)  According to this article, hair loss is caused by the hormone dihydrotestosterone (DHT) and the production of that hormone is hampered by the application of olive oil to the scalp.  What’s the procedure? you ask.  Rub a small amount of olive oil into your scalp and through the hair.  Cover your hair for about 30 minutes, then shampoo and condition normally.

How about exfoliating your hands and making them look young again?  Coat your hands with oil, sprinkle them generously with salt (coarse salt works best), and go through the normal hand washing motions for about a minute.  Wash your hands with soap and water, then apply a bit more olive oil, or your favorite hand lotion. 



I mentioned fish and Tibetan music.  The fish came pickled, fried, or smoked, in sandwiches, or on the plate, with rolls or a couple of choices of potato salad.  My favorite was fried, with a generous helping of vinegar based potato salad.  Recipe for the potato salad?  Of course.

A couple of pounds of potatoes, peeled, boiled, then sliced and allowed to cool.
½ Cup olive oil
3 Tablespoons to ¼ Cup seasoned rice vinegar
Tasty optional additions:  A heaping tablespoon of your favorite mustard, chopped parsley, or cilantro, chopped green onions.

Mix all the ingredients for the vinaigrette, and toss with the cooled and sliced potatoes.



Now, how about the Tibetan music?  One of the dark and chilly wine caves echoed with music so darkly mystical as to make you want pull out your voodoo dolls and drink monkey blood from human skulls.  Photos from Tibet lined the walls and rested proudly on the oak wine barrels.  Yes, I walked through, but managed to find my way out before slicing my wrists.  This was dark! music in a dark! cave.  Breaking out into the sunshine was like escaping from a creaking coffin. 

Ate well, drank well, and got into a wonderful conversation with two German ladies.  Yes, my significant other/ designated driver was by my side.  The day was glorious and delicious, but no I didn’t buy any olive oil.









No comments:

Post a Comment