A Tea Party With Jane

Note my genuine, small tomato paste can/cutter

Slow but sure; medium heat

Fit for Jane A and her fans

I awoke reluctantly this morning, drenched in dreams and silently yearning for another hour of sleep. My wife leaned my way and whispered she had a Jane Austen party to go to and would I make something kind of Englishy to wow the lovely ladies she hangs with.  She didn’t actually use the words “would you.”

“Sure,” I said, both because I’m a nice guy and because I’m terminally task oriented and dedicated to public service.

“I have to leave in about an hour,” she purred.  Which put the pedal to the metal on the “would you make” part of the conversation.

“Jane Austen is an interesting person in a spinsterish sort of way,” I murmured.  “Never married.  Published her novels anonymously, Sense and Sensibility being her first, and she died in 1817, at the age of 42.  Buried in Winchester Cathedral. Now please let her haunt my dreams a little longer.”

“We’re going to watch the six hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, but you’re not invited.”

What joy flooded my happy veins! One brief task and the scullery lad would have the rest of the day to amuse himself!  All I need do was stylishly create some biscuits, some jam, arrange them with delightful aplomb, peck the wife on the cheek, and hurry her off to the hencoop.

            With my heart aflutter I scurried to the kitchen.  Over the years, I’ve become adept at scurrying. I was named ‘Best Scurrier’ in a three county area. 

Plus, my giant culinary brain already had a plan.  What is more English than a selection of dainty biscuits, and a pot of home made apple-ginger jam?  All of that can be made in less than an hour.

You already know the biscuit recipe and if you don’t, hold out your hand, while I fetch my ruler.  2 Cups flour, 3 Tablespoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon salt, and 6 pats of butter.  Blend well.  Add 1 Cup of milk to make a dough.

To turn the J.A. party into a rollicking good time, I decided to bake three flavors of biscuits:  sweet, savory, and cheese.  First, I divided the dough into three equal balls.  To one ball, I added 1/4cup of sugar.  To the second, I added a 1/2 cup of shredded cheese. (use sharp cheddar if you’ve got it)  To the final ball, I added generous portions of oregano, basil, and black pepper.  Hey, jump in and help!  Roll the balls out separately to about the thickness of your forefinger. After the sugar biscuits are rolled and cut, pat a little more sugar on top. You should come out with 6 to 8 small biscuits of each flavor.

I like to vary the biscuit shapes and for the dainty digits of the Jane A. aficionados, I made them smaller than usual.  The sweet and the savory biscuits were round and the cheese biscuits square. 

Now do your part.  Put all the biscuits on a non-greased baking sheet and slide them into a pre-heated 450ºF or 230ºC oven.  Bake for about 12-15 minutes.

Meanwhile, make a very simple apple-ginger jam.  I used Pink Ladies, but would have preferred a variety more tart, such as Macintosh.  The more tart the apple, the deeper the apple flavor.  But, when you have exactly one hour, and the flames of a woman’s scorn are lapping at your heels, you use what you’re got.

            Peel, core and finely chop 2 apples.  Put them in a pan with 1 cup of white sugar, 1/2 cup brown sugar, and turn the heat to medium.  Sprinkle on powdered ginger.  Finely diced fresh ginger would have been even better. (refer to last sentence of the previous paragraph)  Stir often and watch to see that the jam doesn’t get too thick.  This can be deceptive, as the juice flows out of the apples and the sugar melts, making the jam seem runnier than it really is.  Every now and then, put of a drop or two of the jam on the counter to test the viscosity.   When the jam is as thickened as you want it, it’s ready.  If it gets too thick, add a couple of tablespoons of water.

The oven timer rings.  Tasks complete.  Now what the hell am I going to do with myself for the whole day?  Ah ha!  She carelessly left me her copy of Sense and Sensibility.

Savory Scones

Savory Scones

Simple question:  Do scones have to be sweet?

Complicated answer:  No.   Complicated because not everyone is willing to take ‘no’ for an answer.  These folks probably don’t know what savory means, or they’re contemplating dipping a corner of the scone in a morning’s Irish coffee.  I empathize and confess I have done that myself.  You need to put the brakes on that freight train after finishing off the whiskey at your local pub at four in the morning.

Give up?  Ok, savory comes from the French saveur, to savor.  It can mean flavored with several herbs, such as summer or winter savory, but these days it has come to mean tasty, but not sweet.

Another question: When were scones first made?

Answer:  Well, no one knows, but they were first mentioned by the Scottish poet Gavin Douglas in his 1513 translation of Virgil’s epic poem The Aenaid.

Yet another question:  In the middle ages, how did they make scones without an oven? 

Answer:  The traditional Irish and Welsh way! 

In days of old, when Knights were bold and ovens weren’t invented,

they baked on stones or sharpened bones and ate until contented.

But, of course as you sit there, stirring your Irish coffee with your tongue, sweet or savory doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that the recipe requires few moving parts.

Next question:  Where does the word scone come from?

Short answer:  Storks deliver them.  No, wait, I mean they were originally baked in Scotland, Ireland, England, Germany, and Dutchland.   Some believe the word is based on the German word Scönbrot (beautiful bread) and others think it’s from the Dutch word Schoonbrot.  Still other people don’t seem to care.  They just want to eat.

The Brits can’t even make up their minds how to pronounce the word.  In the south they’re pronounced scone, to rhyme with tone, as in the U.S.  But, in the north they’re pronounced scon to rhyme with gone.

Here’s the happy news for you inebriates. This joyous warm-from-the-oven delight requires only one moving part, your index finger to push the button on your food processor.  Ok, ok, you caught me.  You also have to turn on the oven.  But, if you and your three drinking companions can put one level head together, the oven should be no sweat.

Look, do you want to make savory scones or not?

Savory Scones

Suggestion:  Mix these before you head out to the pub; put them on a cookie sheet and stash them in the refrig.  When you come home, just turn on the oven and slide them in.

Dry ingredients:

2 ½ Cups flour

1 Tablespoon baking powder

1 Tablespoon sugar

1 Tablespoon kosher salt

¼ teaspoon baking soda

¼ teaspoon dry mustard powder

Throw one stick of butter in the freezer.

Now for the rest:

4 ounces goat cheese

2 Tablespoons chopped, sun dried tomatoes

2 Tablespoons fresh rosemary

Wet ingredient:

1 ½ Cups heavy cream

Turn on the oven to 425ºF or 220ºC

Put the dry ingredients in the food processor and pulse it a couple of times. Chop the frozen butter into medium bits.  Toss the butter in the food processor and process until the butter bits are tiny.

Toss in the goat cheese, sun dried tomatoes and fresh rosemary and pulse a

few times.  Do not over process.  You want the bits to be clearly distinguishable, even with your bloodshot, beady eyes.

Add the wet ingredients and pulse to make a dough.

Form the dough into a rectangle, press down to about one inch thickness. Cut the rectangle in two inch or larger squares.

Put on an ungreased baking sheet (see, I’m doing my best to keep it simple for you.) and bake for 12 minutes.  The scones should be a toasty golden brown on top.

So, here’s to ya, lads and lassies! Savory scones!