Coconut Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Coconut Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Think of biscuits as the culinary equivalent of a painter’s blank canvas.  The recipe is simple, unadorned, but the baker is free…at least this baker is free…to add any other ingredients.  Use your imagination, or let me spare you the mental anguish and let you borrow mine.

 

In this case I decided to bake for a couple of dozen fiercely hungry women.  So, now you’re asking yourself, why would The Careless Cook do this?  Should you have doubts about the goodness of his heart? What dark motives lurk behind this largess?  Are these women that gullible?  I pick my targets carefully.

 

Those who know me know I have no dark motives.  Well, not many, and none I want to discuss.

 

I understand your strained enthusiasm, so to clear the murky waters, I will confess.  I like to bake, but I am unwilling to consume all my baked goods, lest my exploding bicycle tires scare the neighbors and my talking scale yells, “One at a time please.”

 

So, what do I do?  What any altruistic baker does.  I let the emaciated women in my wife’s Bible Study class bear the brunt of my over-productive calories.  They never once complain, nor do they toss rolls and muffins at me as I speed away from the parking lot.

 

I call this exploiting a thin win situation.

 

While you discuss my lapses in culinary morality, let’s get to bakin’.

 

Coconut Biscuits From The Careless Chef

 

Ingredients

 

2 cups flour (either all-purpose or bread, and I prefer unbleached)

3 tablespoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1/3 cups white sugar

6 tablespoons butter

1 cup milk

1 ½ cups sweetened shredded coconut (or more if it suits you)

 

Note:  Rather use dark sugar?  Perhaps some honey?  The Careless Chef encourages you to follow your dreams!

 

Puttin’ It Together

 

I use a food processor with a dough attachment, but feel free to use a bowl and do it the traditional way.

 

Put the dry ingredients (except the coconut flakes) in the processor and pulse a couple of times. Add chunks of butter and use the dough setting to mix well.

 

Now add the milk and the coconut flakes and fully mix.  Your dough should separate from the sides of the processor. If not, add a 1/4 cup of flour.  You may need to do this twice, but be judicious. You want your dough soft, but not sticky.

 

Dust your counter with flour and roll out the dough to about ½ an inch thick.  Square up the dough as best you can and cut it in squares.

 

Put the dough on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes at 350ºF or 180ºC.  Every oven is different, so it’s best to use an oven thermometer to make sure of the temp.  Twelve minutes in my oven is a bit too long.

 

Now, it’s time to package these tasty morsels and take them to the tired, the hungry, the unsuspecting. 

 

Meanwhile, I shall find other nefarious ways to entertain myself.

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Cream Cheese and Blueberry Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Cream Cheese and Blueberry Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Why does The Careless Cook stick with making biscuits?  Well, he doesn’t!  There are plenty of recipes on www.stroudallover.blogspot.com.  If you’ve subscribed, you’d know that, but if you haven’t yet taken the plunge, dive in!  The water is fine and calm and has no political waves.  The blog is FREE!

 

But, after all that blather, I have to admit I am fond of biscuits.  Biscuit recipes are like a book of short stories. And recently, I’ve been tasked with supplying food to the multitudes, otherwise known as the famished multitudes.  Sure, I could stand still and become a monogamous cook, but then the complaints would rain down, as if they had to read the same story over and over.  I prefer to turn the pages.

 

Today’s recipe has something in common with many of The Careless Cook’s recipes.  It’s mostly done with a food processor.  Total time:  30 minutes to make, and 12 minutes to bake.

 

So, crank your oven up to 425ºF, put down that second Breakfast Bloody Mary and let’s get started.

 

Cream Cheese and Blueberry Biscuits from The Careless Cook

Also Vanilla Butter

 

Ingredients

 

3 cups flour (I used unbleached bread flour, but all purpose flour works just as well)

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/3 cup white sugar

½ teaspoon salt

1 ¼ cups buttermilk, or use regular milk, or oat milk, or coconut milk, or cream (I used buttermilk because I had some in the frig)

4 oz cold cream cheese

1 stick (1/2 cup) cold butter, chopped into small pieces

1 cup frozen blueberries (keep them frozen)

 

Puttin’ It Together

 

Put all the flour and other dry ingredients in the food processor and mix well.

 

Break the cream cheese into bits and add to the processor, along with the small bits of butter. Turn the processor back on and mix well.  The result should look a little crumbly.

 

Add the buttermilk and mix until a dough forms.  Too sticky?  Add flour  a little at a time.  You want the dough soft, not dry.

 

Flour your counter and turn the dough out.  Press or roll the dough until flat and about an inch thick.

 

Now it’s time to scatter the blueberries and press them into the dough. Fold the dough over on itself, again and again until the blueberries are well distributed.

 

Cut to your preference (I did rounds) and put the biscuits on an ungreased baking sheet.  When you bake, I suggest setting the timer for ten minutes for a quick check and add another two minutes if you need to.  You want the tops to be browned. Now, paint on the Vanilla Butter.  Voilà! 

 

Vanilla Butter

3 tablespoons of melted butter

splash of vanilla

1 or 2 teaspoons sugar

 

Now you can get back to that Bloody Mary and enjoy the smiles of the hungry, multitudinous masses who have already swarmed your kitchen. 

 

A Tea Party With Jane

Note my genuine, small tomato paste can/cutter

Slow but sure; medium heat

Fit for Jane A and her fans

I awoke reluctantly this morning, drenched in dreams and silently yearning for another hour of sleep. My wife leaned my way and whispered she had a Jane Austen party to go to and would I make something kind of Englishy to wow the lovely ladies she hangs with.  She didn’t actually use the words “would you.”

“Sure,” I said, both because I’m a nice guy and because I’m terminally task oriented and dedicated to public service.

“I have to leave in about an hour,” she purred.  Which put the pedal to the metal on the “would you make” part of the conversation.

“Jane Austen is an interesting person in a spinsterish sort of way,” I murmured.  “Never married.  Published her novels anonymously, Sense and Sensibility being her first, and she died in 1817, at the age of 42.  Buried in Winchester Cathedral. Now please let her haunt my dreams a little longer.”

“We’re going to watch the six hour BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, but you’re not invited.”

What joy flooded my happy veins! One brief task and the scullery lad would have the rest of the day to amuse himself!  All I need do was stylishly create some biscuits, some jam, arrange them with delightful aplomb, peck the wife on the cheek, and hurry her off to the hencoop.

            With my heart aflutter I scurried to the kitchen.  Over the years, I’ve become adept at scurrying. I was named ‘Best Scurrier’ in a three county area. 

Plus, my giant culinary brain already had a plan.  What is more English than a selection of dainty biscuits, and a pot of home made apple-ginger jam?  All of that can be made in less than an hour.

You already know the biscuit recipe and if you don’t, hold out your hand, while I fetch my ruler.  2 Cups flour, 3 Tablespoons baking powder, 1 teaspoon salt, and 6 pats of butter.  Blend well.  Add 1 Cup of milk to make a dough.

To turn the J.A. party into a rollicking good time, I decided to bake three flavors of biscuits:  sweet, savory, and cheese.  First, I divided the dough into three equal balls.  To one ball, I added 1/4cup of sugar.  To the second, I added a 1/2 cup of shredded cheese. (use sharp cheddar if you’ve got it)  To the final ball, I added generous portions of oregano, basil, and black pepper.  Hey, jump in and help!  Roll the balls out separately to about the thickness of your forefinger. After the sugar biscuits are rolled and cut, pat a little more sugar on top. You should come out with 6 to 8 small biscuits of each flavor.

I like to vary the biscuit shapes and for the dainty digits of the Jane A. aficionados, I made them smaller than usual.  The sweet and the savory biscuits were round and the cheese biscuits square. 

Now do your part.  Put all the biscuits on a non-greased baking sheet and slide them into a pre-heated 450ºF or 230ºC oven.  Bake for about 12-15 minutes.

Meanwhile, make a very simple apple-ginger jam.  I used Pink Ladies, but would have preferred a variety more tart, such as Macintosh.  The more tart the apple, the deeper the apple flavor.  But, when you have exactly one hour, and the flames of a woman’s scorn are lapping at your heels, you use what you’re got.

            Peel, core and finely chop 2 apples.  Put them in a pan with 1 cup of white sugar, 1/2 cup brown sugar, and turn the heat to medium.  Sprinkle on powdered ginger.  Finely diced fresh ginger would have been even better. (refer to last sentence of the previous paragraph)  Stir often and watch to see that the jam doesn’t get too thick.  This can be deceptive, as the juice flows out of the apples and the sugar melts, making the jam seem runnier than it really is.  Every now and then, put of a drop or two of the jam on the counter to test the viscosity.   When the jam is as thickened as you want it, it’s ready.  If it gets too thick, add a couple of tablespoons of water.

The oven timer rings.  Tasks complete.  Now what the hell am I going to do with myself for the whole day?  Ah ha!  She carelessly left me her copy of Sense and Sensibility.