STRANGE BUT TRUE CHEESE AND SAUSAGE BISCUITS BY THE CARELESS COOK

 

Morning came and The Careless Cook yawned and stumbled his way into the kitchen, with nary a thought of baking. That changed. He had made promises to a group of hungry ladies, and discovered he had less than two hours to bake and deliver. 

 

At once he was very sorry he had floated promises to anyone, especially after a night of…..well, anyway….

 

Rule number ONE.  Do not make promises. Especially not morning promises. Especially not to hungry ladies.

 

But even with a shortage of time, The Careless Cook never waivers. After all, the kitchen is a plaything and he was suddenly in the mood to play with one of his favorite toys: biscuits. Simple, easy, and after that, it’s anywhere you care to go.

 

Time is wasting! Let’s get to the basics of biscuits.

 

Oven to 450 deg

 

2 cups flour (3 cups if you’re using gluten free flour)

1 teaspoon salt

3 tablespoons baking powder 

1 stick of butter, melted

1 cup of milk (maybe a bit less. Not soggy.)

 

So simple.  Dry stuff together, then add the wet stuff and stir.

 

On that no so bright early morning, The Careless Cook decided not to go with sugar and nuts, although those are good. Instead, he rummaged through the frig.  Voila! A chunk of cheese. In this case sharp cheddar from Australia.

 

How much is a chunk? Whatever you’ve got, but not too much. A thick piece that fits right in the palm of your hand is about right. 

 

With cheese, The Chef prefers to shred instead of buying pre-shredded.

 

Then he found two chicken andouille sausages.

He chopped them up, then put them in the food processor and ground the fool out of ‘em.

The shredded cheese and ground sausage went in the batter and was mixed furiously.

 

At that point, time was running low and anxious, not because it took a long time, but The Caseless Cook had been too careless on when to start. 

 

Instead of making flat biscuits, he used a tablespoon to put lumps on the baking sheet and pressed them down just a little, with his clever fingers.

 

He had to use two baking sheets for all the biscuits, each batch in the oven for 12 minutes.

 

When done, an envoy delivered the goods, then he went back to bed.

 

Although he did consider a small cup of wine.

 

 

 

Slightly Spicy Cheese Biscuits by The Careless Cook

 

Two of the things The Careless Cook likes to bake are biscuits and scones.    Is it because he is thoughtless and lazy?  No! Not entirely.  Often he is called upon to scape together massive amounts on short notice, to feel hordes of hungry and fabulously beautiful women.  Really? You ask.  Well, some are just hungry. 

Do women drop by the Cook’s kitchen and say, “Get with it you bad boy!  Can’t you tell we’re hungry”? It’s worse than that.  There are groups that meet every week and someone close to The Careless Cook insists these ladies are helpless and must be fed, and that he should also bake enough to satisfy their husbands and unknowns who simply pass through and catch a whiff of fresh baked goods.

But, not only does The Careless Cook bake for the multitudes, but also publishes recipes on this blog.  What a guy!

You may have read and perhaps baked the many biscuit and scone recipes that have appeared on these wonderful pages. If so, he applauds your taste and energy.  We shan’t discuss those who don’t bother and just want to be fed.

But, The Careless Cook still has high hopes for those who dedicate themselves to depending on charity, and will change their slovenly ways.   With that in mind, he offers this wonderful (and easy) biscuit recipe for Slightly Spicy Cheese Biscuits.

On to the baking…..

Slightly Spicy Cheese Biscuits

Oven set to 425ºF

Baking time about 14 minutes 

Every oven is different and the size of these drop biscuits may vary.  

You’ll know when the biscuits are done when the edges are brown and crispy and the peaked tops are a beautiful brown.

Ingredients 

1 1/2 cups flour

1/2 cups course yellow cornmeal

1 heaping tablespoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon red pepper (more if you favor a mouth full of fire)

1 teaspoon salt

1 stick cold butter, chopped fine or shredded

2-3 cups coarsely, not finely shredded sharp cheddar (I used Australian sharp cheddar because I prefer the flavor)

1 cup butter milk (I used whole milk and added a teaspoon of fresh lemon to sour the milk)

Putin’ It T-gether

1. In a medium sized bowl, all all the dry ingredients and mix well
2. Add the butter and use your hands (as The Careless Cook does) or use a beater to mix
3. Add the coarsely shredded cheese and use your hands to mix well
4. Add the milk and mix well.  The Careless Cook uses a Danish hand held whisk/paddle because he finds it a fabulous mixer and easy to clean.

Prepare a cookie sheet by taking a sheet of parchment paper and lightly splash some water on one side so it sticks to the cookie sheet.

Use a tablespoon to scoop up some dough and drop it on the cookie sheet. Keeping going to fill the cookies sheet with lumps of dough about a inch or two apart.

Pop ‘em in the oven, set the timer, and wait for the goodness to happen! This recipe should make about 25 or more biscuits.

Don’t know what a Danish whisk looks like?  Check Amazon!

The Careless Cook has tried this recipe on both the ravenously hungry and the unfortunately picky eaters. Both groups showed surprise and disappointment when the last biscuit disappeared.

Parmesan and Chives Drop Biscuits by the Careless Cook

 

Want a quick, but impressive breakfast nosh for company?  Maybe you just glanced twice at your watch and looked in the mirror to see a face streaked with shame.  Maybe you can’t remember who or what you promised, and your bottle of breakfast wine is empty. Maybe your wife just gave you that look that says….oh, you know what it says!

 

The Careless Cook has just the solution to satisfy guests and expunge a budding domestic problem.  

 

Best of all, when you spy the recipe you’ll find it much cheaper than red roses or an offer to treat everyone to a Champagne breakfast at the Ritz.

 

Let’s get started! 

 

Parmesan and Chives Drop Biscuits

 

Ingredients

First off, heat your oven to 450ºF or 230ºC

You’ll also need two baking sheets, two bowls, one of them large, and your choice of something to stir with.  I use a large Dutch Dough Whisk.  Amazon, about $14

Shall we finally start?  Yes, we shall!

 

3 cups all purpose flour  (I stir the flour with a fork before measuring .)

1.5 tablespoons baking powder

1 tablespoon white sugar

1 teaspoon salt

a generous palm full of well chopped chives (A little more or a little less is ok…hey, this is The Careless Cook!)

a generous cup of grated Parmesan cheese (I grate my own because I think it tastes better than the grocer’s already grated version)

1 stick of refrigerated butter for the dough

½ stick of melted butter to paint the biscuits

1 beaten egg

1 cup buttermilk (I used whole milk and added a few quirts of fresh lemon juice instead)

 

Puttin’ It T-gether

 

Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl.  Either chop the stick of butter into very small bits, or do as I did and use a box grater.  I grated the butter right on top of the dry ingredients, then add the chopped chives and the grated Parmesan cheese.

 

Mix well!  I used my floured hands.  The butter should then be pea-sized.

 

Mix the wet ingredients and pour into the dry ingredients.  This is where the Dutch Dough Whisk really comes in handy.  The dough should be soft and slightly sticky, but not much of it sticks to the whisk.

 

Use a tablespoon to drop the biscuits one by one onto the baking sheets. No need to mash them down.

 

Paint the biscuits generously with the melted butter.

 

Bake for 11-12 minutes or until the biscuit peaks are dark brown.  See photo!

 

As the biscuits bake and the aroma  makes your guests suddenly decide it’s time to invade the kitchen, you might want to have a bottle of Prosecco or Champagne handy.   (I much prefer the Prosecco)

 

Those guests who told you they must jump on the highway early, may suddenly change their minds.  Oh, yes, time to pop the cork on that second bottle…

 

 

 

 

Buttered Cheese Biscuits by The Careless Cook

 

 

Some recipes are so good you won’t believe they’re so easy. Even The Careless Cook was taken aback by how quick and simple this one is.  Don’t have much time?  No sweat, no bother.  

 

In my own situation, I was informed that I really should get out of bed, get to the kitchen, and make a pile of biscuits for a ladies’ group of eager eaters.  I had less than an hour.  Thirty minutes would be about right.

 

Extensive recipes were out of the question.  However, goodness was paramount. 

 

Buttered Cheese Biscuits

 

Still in my pajamas, I raced to the kitchen and set the oven for 450ºF.

 

Here are the these simple ingredients:

 

2 cups all purpose flour

2 generous tablespoons of baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

¾ cup of milk (I used oat milk because I like the flavor) Feel free to be generous with the ¾ cup and add a bit more milk if needed to make a soft dough

¼ cup of butter, melted 

¾ cup of shredded cheese (I used a pre-shredded mix of cheddar and pepper jack.  Using a bit more is better than a bit less.)

 

Whip this dough in shape! 

 

Time to use that big bowl and the wooden spoon.  Add all the dry ingredients, including the cheese, and mix well.  Then, add the milk and mix until you have a soft dough.  If it’s still stiff, add a bit more milk, but not too much!  You’re not making pancakes!

 

Scoop out generous tablespoons of dough and drop on an ungreased baking sheet.

 

Set your timer for 8-10 minutes and slip the biscuits in the oven.  With my oven it took the full 10 minutes.  You’ll know it’s done when the peaks are brown.

 

While the biscuits are baking, melt the butter.  I used the microwave. 

 

As soon as the biscuits are out of the oven, paint them with melted butter.

 

Ah, yes, just in time to feed the ladies’ hunger!  Also time to go back to bed.

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Fluffy Cheese Biscuits by The Careless Cook

 

Fluffy Cheese Biscuits by The Careless Cook

 

You want the whole story?  I suspect not, so I’ll be as brief as this very brief recipe is. These biscuits are very light and fluffy!  A bit of this and that and you can sip your first cup of coffee while your creation bakes.  Oh, you want more specifics?  Ok, followed by a deep sigh.

 

First things first for this rapid fire, delightful biscuit:  Either a Bloody Mary or a Mimosa.  

 

Second step: Heat the oven to 450ºF. If you’re anywhere but the USA, try 175ºC.  Grease or put parchment paper on a baking sheet.  I used the parchment.

 

Ingredients

 

2 cups flour

1 cup milk

1 heaping tablespoon baking powder

½ teaspoon salt, or a bit less (A chef has to make a decision now and again)

¾ - 1 cup shredded cheddar (I suggest a full cup, but you’re the chef, so do what the hell suits you)

¼ cup melted butter + plus ¼ cup to paint the tops of the finished biscuits

1 large egg

 

Puttin’ it together

 

I used a handheld electric beater

 

Put the flour, salt, baking powder, and cheese in a large bowl and stir.

 

In a separate bowl, stir an egg and add the milk. Stir to combine, then  stir in a quarter cup of melted butter.

 

Add the liquid mixture to the flour mixture and use the beater to thoroughly combine.  Note: The dough will be sticky and soft.  If not, add more milk a little at a time.  Drop tablespoons of dough on the baking sheet.  I dropped a bit over a tablespoon (more or less) at a time.  

 

For this amount of dough I needed two baking sheets.

 

Depending on the size of your biscuits, bake for 8 to 10 minutes.  Judge by the tops browning.  Mine were done in 8 minutes.

 

Remove biscuits from the oven and paint the tops with the melted butter.

 

Now, while your ungrateful guests whine about not having enough for third and fourth serving. Ignore them and switch from a Bloody Mary to straight vodka. You also may want to skip the ice.

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Coconut Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Coconut Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Think of biscuits as the culinary equivalent of a painter’s blank canvas.  The recipe is simple, unadorned, but the baker is free…at least this baker is free…to add any other ingredients.  Use your imagination, or let me spare you the mental anguish and let you borrow mine.

 

In this case I decided to bake for a couple of dozen fiercely hungry women.  So, now you’re asking yourself, why would The Careless Cook do this?  Should you have doubts about the goodness of his heart? What dark motives lurk behind this largess?  Are these women that gullible?  I pick my targets carefully.

 

Those who know me know I have no dark motives.  Well, not many, and none I want to discuss.

 

I understand your strained enthusiasm, so to clear the murky waters, I will confess.  I like to bake, but I am unwilling to consume all my baked goods, lest my exploding bicycle tires scare the neighbors and my talking scale yells, “One at a time please.”

 

So, what do I do?  What any altruistic baker does.  I let the emaciated women in my wife’s Bible Study class bear the brunt of my over-productive calories.  They never once complain, nor do they toss rolls and muffins at me as I speed away from the parking lot.

 

I call this exploiting a thin win situation.

 

While you discuss my lapses in culinary morality, let’s get to bakin’.

 

Coconut Biscuits From The Careless Chef

 

Ingredients

 

2 cups flour (either all-purpose or bread, and I prefer unbleached)

3 tablespoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1/3 cups white sugar

6 tablespoons butter

1 cup milk

1 ½ cups sweetened shredded coconut (or more if it suits you)

 

Note:  Rather use dark sugar?  Perhaps some honey?  The Careless Chef encourages you to follow your dreams!

 

Puttin’ It Together

 

I use a food processor with a dough attachment, but feel free to use a bowl and do it the traditional way.

 

Put the dry ingredients (except the coconut flakes) in the processor and pulse a couple of times. Add chunks of butter and use the dough setting to mix well.

 

Now add the milk and the coconut flakes and fully mix.  Your dough should separate from the sides of the processor. If not, add a 1/4 cup of flour.  You may need to do this twice, but be judicious. You want your dough soft, but not sticky.

 

Dust your counter with flour and roll out the dough to about ½ an inch thick.  Square up the dough as best you can and cut it in squares.

 

Put the dough on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes at 350ºF or 180ºC.  Every oven is different, so it’s best to use an oven thermometer to make sure of the temp.  Twelve minutes in my oven is a bit too long.

 

Now, it’s time to package these tasty morsels and take them to the tired, the hungry, the unsuspecting. 

 

Meanwhile, I shall find other nefarious ways to entertain myself.

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Cream Cheese and Blueberry Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Cream Cheese and Blueberry Biscuits From The Careless Cook

 

Why does The Careless Cook stick with making biscuits?  Well, he doesn’t!  There are plenty of recipes on www.stroudallover.blogspot.com.  If you’ve subscribed, you’d know that, but if you haven’t yet taken the plunge, dive in!  The water is fine and calm and has no political waves.  The blog is FREE!

 

But, after all that blather, I have to admit I am fond of biscuits.  Biscuit recipes are like a book of short stories. And recently, I’ve been tasked with supplying food to the multitudes, otherwise known as the famished multitudes.  Sure, I could stand still and become a monogamous cook, but then the complaints would rain down, as if they had to read the same story over and over.  I prefer to turn the pages.

 

Today’s recipe has something in common with many of The Careless Cook’s recipes.  It’s mostly done with a food processor.  Total time:  30 minutes to make, and 12 minutes to bake.

 

So, crank your oven up to 425ºF, put down that second Breakfast Bloody Mary and let’s get started.

 

Cream Cheese and Blueberry Biscuits from The Careless Cook

Also Vanilla Butter

 

Ingredients

 

3 cups flour (I used unbleached bread flour, but all purpose flour works just as well)

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/3 cup white sugar

½ teaspoon salt

1 ¼ cups buttermilk, or use regular milk, or oat milk, or coconut milk, or cream (I used buttermilk because I had some in the frig)

4 oz cold cream cheese

1 stick (1/2 cup) cold butter, chopped into small pieces

1 cup frozen blueberries (keep them frozen)

 

Puttin’ It Together

 

Put all the flour and other dry ingredients in the food processor and mix well.

 

Break the cream cheese into bits and add to the processor, along with the small bits of butter. Turn the processor back on and mix well.  The result should look a little crumbly.

 

Add the buttermilk and mix until a dough forms.  Too sticky?  Add flour  a little at a time.  You want the dough soft, not dry.

 

Flour your counter and turn the dough out.  Press or roll the dough until flat and about an inch thick.

 

Now it’s time to scatter the blueberries and press them into the dough. Fold the dough over on itself, again and again until the blueberries are well distributed.

 

Cut to your preference (I did rounds) and put the biscuits on an ungreased baking sheet.  When you bake, I suggest setting the timer for ten minutes for a quick check and add another two minutes if you need to.  You want the tops to be browned. Now, paint on the Vanilla Butter.  Voilà! 

 

Vanilla Butter

3 tablespoons of melted butter

splash of vanilla

1 or 2 teaspoons sugar

 

Now you can get back to that Bloody Mary and enjoy the smiles of the hungry, multitudinous masses who have already swarmed your kitchen.