Today’s guest Blogger is Mildred von Stickler, a retired grammarian, bravely bearing up under the plague of stilted syntax in today’s clichéd conversations. Mildred, as she likes to be called, in a bow to egalitarianism, has problems with what she sees as all too common American English. By common she means plebeian, uneducated, faulty, and worthy of a blast of buckshot. Her questions and statements spear the heart of the matter. Enough introduction, and now on to Mildred von Sticker’s thoughts:
Failure is not an option. What are the other options? And why is failure not on the list? Shouldn’t it be? Is failure always a bad thing? Failure to forget your wife’s birthday, failure to spend all your money, failure to thrash your neighbor’s dog when he poops on your lawn, failure to thrash your neighbor when he refuses to pick it up! Are those not good and reasonable failures? I say we stand tall for the benefits of failure and put failure back on the list!
Taking it to another level. How many levels are there? List them in order and please tell me what level I’m on. If I’m on the fifth floor and take the elevator to the third floor, am I not taking it to another level? And how about levelheaded? Perhaps a surgeon should take you to the next level.
The exact opposite. I’ve never heard of an inexact opposite. John is the exact opposite of Jerry. But, how can John be the exact opposite of Jerry, if John is missing a few critical elements. Perhaps the baldness and missing a few teeth, not to mention his vasectomy, may give you a few clues to ponder. The exact same thing is an offshoot of tangled, unnecessary American English. The exact other thing? The same thing does very well by itself, or do you toss it in there because you stutter. John may the opposite of Jerry in many ways, but certainly not exact.
Free gifts. Here’s your birthday present. I’ll send your bill in the mail. And what if you don’t want the gift, free or not, Chlamydia being a prime example. Acme Department Store and Dog Shelter wants to send you a free gift. Why do they want my physical and email address. If it’s free, just send me the damn gift.
The best cheery pie I’ve even eaten in my life. Now if you’d said, that was the best appendectomy I’ve had in my life, I’d sense a good story coming my way. Mine is the best wife I’ve had in my life is another good tale waiting in the wings. Sometimes, even without the unneeded and over used in my life accompaniment I’m willing to listen to a good yarn, well told: “ It was the best sex I’ve had!”
Over the top. Over the top of what? Is under the bottom the exact opposite? Can’t be. Opposites cannot be the same or exact! Maybe it’s snowing over the top. Maybe I’m happy where I am. Over the top of what?
Have a good one! All the ones I’ve got are pretty good, if not perfect. Obviously you disagree, so where do I begin my search for better ones? Please be more specific, but no fondling. Just point me in the right direction!
Raising the bar. What’s wrong with the bar just as it is? Good drinks. Reasonably priced. I say lowering the bar makes much more sense, especially considering some of the patrons are handicapped.
Serve up. Why do we say serve up with some things and not with others? He served up a great hamburger. And why won’t served or serve suffice?
However, Mildred von Sticker makes an exception for: He served up a wonderful champagne and a voyage to Tahiti as a free gift.
Where I’m at. I hear this annoyance all the time, even in my own family. Where I am, works just fine and doesn’t sound like English wasn’t your first language, or your power of speech was taken down a level, or is under the top.
Last, but not least,” Mildred says, is the casual hyperbole, To die for! It fascinates me the things people are willing to die for. Kitchen cabinets, a big television screen, broccoli casserole, and Depends. I raise my sights a bit higher than my waistline and someone else’s kitchen cabinets. But, Depends might catch my attention.
I understand my friend, Mildred can be a little stiff and taxing, but I offer you the free gift of her comments, which are both over the top and taken to another level. For Mildred, failure is never an option.
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