When It Comes to the Proper Use of Language

When it comes to the proper use of language, I’m a pretty tolerant guy.  What I mean by that is, I appreciate regionalisms.  I’m fine with the folks from western Pennsylvania and eastern Ohio dropping “to be” where normal people stick it in.  I’m thinking of “The car needs washed. The supper needs cooked.  I’ve lost my Be’s and don’t know where they are to found.”  Those folks were sired by immigrants from German speaking regions of Europe, and we all know in the German language, verbs are separated by as many words as you can shove into a sentence.

I think I should take my mother to the store, comes out I think I should my mother to the store bring. So considering the linguistic handicap, western Pennsylvanians do ok.

Let’s not stop there.

Even normal Americans often tie English in little knots and pound it down a rat hole.  Some examples of appallingly unnecessary and misused words:

I actually want to go to the store.  Well, actually I don’t care.  Just go to the store and shut up about it.

Where are you at?  I’m the man in the red raincoat at across the street giving you a thumbs up…..wait, that’s not my thumb.

I’m investing in a pair of high heels.  Have you picked out a street corner to invest in?  When I invest, I plan to make money and I’m thinking you do too.

I bought it because I like the price point. Are you trying to say you liked the price?  Just checking the point you’re trying to make.

If you don’t hand over your money, I’ll shoot you.  

Are you serious?  

Famous last words.

He graduated college.  What else did he do with college after he graduated it? Oh, my mistake, you meant he graduated FROM college.

But, I have a very special bone to pick with gender, the currently popular substitute for sex.  Of course, a lot of things these days are substitutes for sex. Porn is rampant, drugs are rampant, and still we choke at using the word sex and substitute a polliwaddle word like gender?

Gender is a linguistic term, often tangled with male and female, which has nothing to do with either.  In French, police are la police, feminine.  

In German, which sex is the child?  Oh, they’re not either, they’re all gender neutral, das Kind, die Kinder.  

So linguistically, gender is not to be confused with the word sex, which differentiates men and women and fun on Friday night.  I’ve lost the war, but the battles rage on.  For those who think gender’s a good substitute, I suggest you go home and have some hot gender.

What some famous personalities have said about sex, none of which use the term gender:

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

--- Woody Allen

Good sex is like good bridge.  If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.  --- Mae West, actress

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. --- George Carlin, comedian

Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing. --- Charles Bukowski, German poet and novelist

Physics is like sex:  sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it.  --- Richard P. Feynman, physicist. 

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. --- Woody Allen

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.  --- Woody Allen

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.  --- Steve Martin

Things you’ll never hear:  Please stop sucking my dick or I’ll call the police. --- George Carlin

Ducking for apples. Change one letter and it’s the story of my life. ---Dorothy Parker, writer and wit

Is sex dirty?  Only when it’s being done right. ---Woody Allen

So, what ‘gender’ are you?  Masculine? Feminine? Neuter?

Maybe you’re at from Pennsylvania?