Quiche That'll Make You Want to Quiche and Tell!

Quiche is timeless and adaptable to breakfast, lunch, or the middle of a Super Bowl when you’re out of breath from watching freakishly large millionaires run up and down a grassy field with an oblong, leather package.

And there’s nothing sissified about quiche, at least not when I make it with onions, bacon, cheese, milk, and eggs, and some chopped artichoke hearts, then bake it in a flaky, mouth-watering crust.  Goes well with just about any unsweetened beverage you can name.

What are some common complaints? Too eggy.  Too difficult.  Too Frenchy. Too Bridge-Party-With-the-Girls.  What? You don’t eat eggs, bacon, or onions?  And, my quiche is NOT eggy.

Quiche originally comes from the Lorraine region of France, so yes, it is Frenchy.  Wear a beret and speak with an accent like zis and zat, if it makes you feel better.

Ok, so you’re all, like, “I don’t like even eat, you know, the flesh of like living beings.”

Leave out the freaking bacon!

“But, I’m like you know a vegan-tarian.”  Fine. Want salt and pepper with your onions and chopped artichoke?

Just got back from Brussels.  My wife dined on quiche for breakfast.  It was delicious, but I figured I could do better than a restaurant’s baked-yesterday approach.  So can you.  And, it’s not tough to do.  And you will get cheers, a bouquet of kisses, and an offer of all earthly delights.

“Quiche me quick!”  Your wish, darlin’ is my ultimate pleasure. 

This recipe will feed six polite adults, or two teens. I used a 12 inch, deep dish pan.

First the pie dough, because it needs to sit in the refrig, for an hour.

2 ½ Cups all-purpose flour

½ Tablespoon Salt

½ Cup (1 Stick) of chilled butter

½ Cup shortening

4 Tablespoons ice water

Mix the flour and salt.  Using forks or a pastry cutter, cut the shortening and butter into the flour.  Sprinkle on the ice water.  (I normally do a bit of this and that, but the ice water should be measured, or the dough will be too soggy.)

Cutting in the butter and shortening

After adding the ice water.

Note:  Do not use a food processor to make pie dough.  The butter and shortening will be cut in too finely and the crust will not be as flaky.

Press the dough out into a rough circle, cover it front and back with plastic wrap and put it in the refrigerator for at least an hour.

Getting the dough ready for the frig. 

 After at least an hour, and before you start on the filling, roll the dough out in a circle and put it in the dish.  Pierce the bottom and sides with a fork.  Don’t be shy. If you don’t do this, the crust will bubble.

Paint the dough lightly with the white of one egg and bake it in a pre-heated oven at 375ºF for 15 minutes, or until it is a very light, golden tan.  Note: you will have egg white left over.  Note:  The crust will recede when it is baked.

Now for the filling

¼ pound of bacon, fried crisp, then chopped to half the size of your little fingernail.

6 Eggs, plus the extra egg yolk, and leftover egg white you used to paint the crust

1/3 Cup artichoke hearts, chopped.  Marinated hearts are ok, but use a paper towel to sop up the excess oil.

1 medium onion, peeled, halved and sliced thinly

2 ½ Cups grated Gruyere, or a similar cheese

2 Cups milk

¼ teaspoon nutmeg

Beat the eggs, nutmeg and milk in a large bowl.  Add everything else and mix well. Pour it into your pie plate, making sure the cheese gets spread evenly.  Slip the pie in the preheated oven and bake for 45 minutes, or until the top has brown spots and when you shake the dish, the center of the quiche doesn’t wiggle.

Ready to go in the oven. This is a 12 inch, deep dish pan.

 Out of the oven it comes!  Cheers erupt!  Champagne corks pop!  Women push and shove to get closer, except for the lank haired, skinny girl in the corner, but it doesn’t matter.  She’s got onion breath.

  

Zwiebelkuchen und Neuerwein

So many things happen in Germany in the autumn.  Weinfests. Oktoberfests.  Leaves molting from green to yellow, amber, brown, and red. A slight chill in the morning air. Best of all, it’s harvest time in the Vineyards.  Which means…

It’s Zwiebelkuchen and Neuerwein time!  Gets the heart pumping, doesn’t it!  Bet if you knew what the hell they are, your heart would pound a hole in your puny chest!  Just settle back and leave it to me to keep you informed and well fed.

Just to whet your appetite, sip some Neuerwein, or new wine.  It’s also called Federweißer, meaning feather white, from the bits of yeast still floating around.  Actually, it’s not new wine, its just headed in that direction.  Cloudy and generally 4% alcohol, it’s sweet and slightly bitter, with a hint of natural carbonation from the fermentation.  Matter of fact, the Germans only loosely cap it so the carbonation can escape.  At this point you’re having a conversation with yourself.  You’re not in Germany.  You’ve never heard of, let alone tasted Neuerwein, but by golly you’d like to try some!

Leave it to me to come up with a solution.  Let me amend that, to ‘leave it to my wife,’ who subs in the kitchen when she is not out working and slaving to support me.  Here’s the basic formula from La Cuisine de Chez Moi:

2 parts tonic water

1 part white grape juice

1 part dry white wine

Ok, it’s not exact, but it’s close.  Not satisfied?  Well, shell out some coin, you cheap bastard, and catch a flight to Germany!

On to the pièce de resistance, zwiebelkuchen, or onion cake.  Don’t know why they call it cake, since it’s more of an onion pie.   But, whatever you call it, grab a fork!  Don’t worry about a napkin; you won’t leave a crumb.

Before I start, here’s a disclaimer:  Every German grandmother makes a different version of zwiebelkuchen, so I took liberties, too.  In the first place, I prefer a lighter, flakier crust than you find on most commercial zwiebelkuchens, so I used a homemade pie crust. instead of the traditional yeast crust.  See video below.

Let’s have a drink and get started!

Preheat the oven to 430ºF (220ºC) ( after the crust comes out of the frig)

Favorite Pie Crust (this will chill for an hour)

2 1/2 Cups all purpose flour

1/2 Teaspoon salt

1 1/2 Cups butter

3-6 Tablespoons of ice water.

Rather than a lengthy explanation, just watch this short (less than 5 min), dynamite video and you’ll be an instant expert. http://allrecipes.com/video/265/how-to-make-pie-crust/

Pie Filling

Note:  Before you start on the filling, roll out the pie crust, put it in a pie pan and put it back in the frig while you make the filling.

3 Large onions, peeled, quartered, and thinly sliced

1 Cup raw bacon, diced

2 Cups Crème Frâiche

4 Eggs

Pepper

Nutmeg

Caraway seeds

Cook the onions on low heat, in a large skillet.  You want them translucent, not caramelized. About 15-20 minutes.  

When cooked the onions will reduce to about half this amount

Remove the onions and add the bacon to the skillet.  Cook until crispy.  Mix the onions and bacon in a bowl.  In another bowl, mix the crème frâiche, eggs, gratings of nutmeg and pepper.  When the onion mixture has cooled, mix it with the egg mixture.  Pour it into the prepared pie pan. Sprinkle on a few caraway seeds.

Slide the pie into the preheated oven and bake for 40-50 minutes.  Check it at the 30 minute point and if the crust is browning too rapidly, cover the pie with a sheet of aluminum foil.

You may have guessed that Zwiebelkuchen is very similar to Quiche.  No secret there.  Both come from roughly the same area.  Lorraine is now France, but has bounced back and forth, so a lot of recipes traveled.

Besides a flaky crust, another peeve of mine is an egg dish that tastes too eggy.  If I want scrambled eggs, I’ll make ‘em.  This recipe for Zwiebelkuchen is light and fluffy, without a hint of heavy egg flavor.

Now, quit dallying, pour yourself another Federweißer, and get to work!