There’s Something About London

I’ve been going to London for decades, and yet I’m always thrilled at the prospect and thrilled when I get there.  How can that be?  Once you’ve seen it, you’re seen it, right?  Not quite.  Once you’ve seen it, you’ve fallen in love with the architecture, the history, nights at the theater, days and nights at the pubs, the outrageously priced cocktails at the Savoy’s American Bar, martinis made at the table in Duke’s Bar at the Duke Hotel.  

Indian food.  China town. 

Perhaps it’s Fortnum and Mason, the most elegant grocery store in the world, or next door at Hatchards, London’s oldest bookstore.  Maybe it was standing in front of Buckingham Palace and viewing the most famous military parade in the world, the every popular Changing of the Guard.

It may be walking into Floris perfumery and being overwhelmed by scents of every variety, including the famous #89, the mythical James Bond’s favorite, or, stepping into the incomparable Food Court at Harrod’s.

So many more astonishing things I’ve done. A visit to Fuller’s Brewery and its thirst quenching tasting room.  A Scotland versus England World Cup preliminary match at Wembley Stadium.  

Getting a tour of the Victoria and Albert Museum.  Seeing the Rosetta Stone and Elgin Marbles at the British Museum.  Going to an open night of The Producers and having Mel Brooks take the stage for a hilarious, impromptu chat.

Before you start your day, pick out a spot for a full English breakfast.  Ever had a full English breakfast?  What’s that?  Oh, how I’d like to see the child-like wonder in your eyes.

Without a doubt, London is a never-ending string of pleasures and surprises.

Samuel Johnson was spot on when he wrote, “A man who is tired of London is tired of life.”

And when you walk the streets of London, it’s a tour through English and European history.  View the Magna Carta in the British Library and learn what it really says, or look at handwritten Beatles’ lyrics.  https://www.bl.uk/#

A Beatles’ fan?  When you walk down Seville Row, that famous street of ‘bespoke’ tailoring, check out the rooftop (from ground level) where the Beatles played their last concert. Listen for the echoes of 1969.

It just may be you’re a literature lover.  Charles Dickens. George Orwell. Will Shakespeare.  All lived or worked here and you can follow in their tracks.  More modern?  J.K. Rowling. Julian Barnes. Ian McEwan. Jeffery Archer. Ian Fleming.

Do your own research. Find out where they lived and worked before you go. Or sign up for a fabulous walking tour that matches your fancy. https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g186338-Activities-c42-t183-London_England.html

Don’t forget the unforgetable London markets. Boroughs Market, to mention just one of many. I ate the best oysters of my life there.  It’s a place where the fish mongers have done their own fishing and the ice cream shops make their own ice cream.  Meats roast over open fire pits and savory crepes come fresh off the hot plate.  Cheeses come direct from the farms. Come hungry and don’t miss the nearby pubs.  Huge hint:  NEVER pass up a pub.

Dozens of historic pubs.  The Mayflower, where the famous ship of that name first sailed. The Grenadier.  The Lamb and Flag, also known as the Bucket of Blood.  Wonderful pubs go on and on, and so will you! Another hint:  Always go for the hand pulled ‘real’ ale.

And after you’ve been to London a few dozen times, don’t even begin to say you know London. How about shops that have been there since the 17^th Century? Greenwich, the home of time and distance?

My advice:  Plan on going to London for a week a year, for the rest of your life.  Still, that will not be enough time.  But, I keep trying… By the way, did you know that Karl Marx is buried at the Highgate Cemetery in London?  https://highgatecemetery.org/       Just asking….

The Globe: Shakespeare On the Wrong Side of the River

Been to London innumerable times, but never visited The Globe, the wonderful, full-scale repro of the most famous of 16^th Century theaters.  This is the third Globe and was finished in 1997, about 150 yards from the original.

I’ve been a Shakespeare fan since 10^th Grade English class, when the witches’ cauldron boiled and bubbled for me in Macbeth, Act IV, Scene 1, and when ‘Out out damned spot’ flew out of Lady Macbeth’s mouth during her incessant hand-washing scene.

Tried reading Shakespeare?  Found it only as entertaining as a bad cold?  Bet you didn’t know you quote The Bard almost everyday, even if you lack a proper education and don’t know Macbeth from Big Mac, or King Lear from King Kong.

Ever said: it’s a forgone conclusion?  Ever refused to budge an inch?  How about it’s Greek to me - vanished into thin air - slept not one wink -stood on ceremony – seen better days – too much of a good thing – own flesh and blood – the game is up – the crack of doom????  Or maybe you’ve said your teeth are set on edge – one fell swoop – the long and short of it – for goodness sakes – what the dickens.  Yep, those are all quotes from Will Shakespeare and there are dozens of other common expressions he injected straight into the heart of the English language.

Still think Shakespeare is just important between snoozes at the back of the classroom?

Maybe the next words out of your “raised on TV and video games” mouth is, “Yeah, but the words are too hard to understand.  I read a play and have no idea what the hell is going on!”

I’ve got two pieces of advice.  Firstly: Plays are meant to be seen and heard, not read.  Reading Shakespeare in English class is about as much fun as reading about Ping-Pong in the locker room. Secondly:  It helps to know the story.  Grab yourself a simple synopsis, then go see the play.  You may read about comic relief and have no idea what the hell it is, but when you see the obese and sometimes cowardly Falstaff prancing around the stage in Henry IV, parts I and II, the words suddenly come to life.  If you know the plot before you go, you’re in for an unexpected and surprisingly understandable treat.

By the way, in the 16^th Century, women were not permitted to be in stage productions, so all the parts were played by men.  As if women were incapable of drama!

Thrilled by witches and ghosts?  Kings doing battle?  Castles? Murderous plots?  Good versus evil?  Love stories? Romance and tragedy?  Comedy?  “Can’t all be in Shakespeare’s plays,” you say.  Well, they are!

You can tell I’m wrapped up in The Bard.  So, getting a tour of an almost perfect reconstruction of this famous Elizabethan playhouse seemed just the thing to wedge in between pints at waterside pubs.  Tours are from 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. and begin every half hour, no reservations needed.

Ok, so you get to see a building.  My friends, a tour is much more than that. You get to find out all about life in the 16^th Century, which makes you appreciate today’s lifestyle even more.  The first thing you notice is The Globe is round and the second thing you notice is, it has no roof.  It was built in the round for a very good reason.  No microphones.  The round shape has wonderful acoustics.  No roof because the only source of light after sundown was candles.  Guess what happens when a massive amount of candles burn under a thatched straw roof?

Also a tour tells you a bit about how the people lived.  The poor paid a penny to sit in the middle of the theater where there was no roof.  Because many could not read or write, nor did they have large vocabularies, stage plays often used symbolism everyone could understand.  Devils, demons, and witches appeared from a trap door in the floor. Angels and such descended from a trap door in the stage ceiling. 

Shakespeare used flashing swords, ghosts, teary-eyed lovers, raving lunatics, and life and death drama to turn 16^th Century language into passions and actions anyone can understand.  He had to.  He had a tough audience.

The poor were also known to drink a lot of beer, since water carried disease. They also never bathed, so you have the center of the theater filled with smelly, drunken people who laughed too loudly and had a habit of throwing trash and rotten vegetables at the actors.  This rowdy mob was irreverently known as the ‘penny stinkards.’  We call them Shakespeare’s bread and butter.

By the way, you put your penny in a box as you entered, hence the modern word:  Box Office.

Those who could afford to pay a penny more sat in covered seats that rose up stadium style.  And just like in a stadium, vendors sold food and drink.

The original Globe is in the center, right across the river, and you will note the river is frozen.

I should mention, 16^th Century London was nothing like London today.  A collection of wooden buildings, mostly unpaved streets, and only 200,000 souls. The city limit was the River Thames (Tims).  On the other side of the river sat the theatres, brothels, gambling dens, pubs, and pretty much everything you find in today’s Las Vegas.  Wonder if they had the expression, “What happens across the Thames stays across the Thames?”

I suspect you’ve reached the foregone conclusion that I haven’t scratched the surface when it comes to Will Shakespeare, The Globe, or 16^th Century life. I may also have played fast and loose with the tale of the Globe.  I hope this doesn’t make me a laughing stock, or make you think I’ve written without rhyme or reason!   But, that’s the long and short of it. Yep, the boldface is more of Will’s work.

Now, go take a tour on your next visit to London, that city of ceaseless delight.  Better yet, go see a play or two.  Watch Shakespeare come to life.

A Wicked look at Wicked! Spoiler Alert

Spoiler Alert!

Of course, when I say Wicked!, I refer to the stage production I saw in London, not your long-ago ex-girlfriend who still floats deliciously through your daydreams as the dewy-eyed star of all your fantasies.

I’d read rave reviews…yes, I tell you, RAVE REVIEWS of Wicked!.  Spectacular!  Not to be missed!  Defies gravity!... so said the posters and the pundits.  See, that’s the problem with being well read.  You see these word-bytes here and there, and gauging the status of the publications that printed them, you swallow the bait like a starving striped bass on the first day of the season.

I should have listened to my mother, who said…well, I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something like “Reading will make you go blind.”  Maybe it was something else that would make me go blind.  Hmmmm, In any case, reading can make you blind when it comes to other opinions.  You find something you desperately want to believe (when swinging over the dark abyss of a theater production you were forced to attend) and you cling to it as the rope of last resort.

But, now let’s get Wicked!  What’s the story line?  Supposedly, it’s the story of the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz.  I say supposedly because for a while it was about professors who were animals who could talk and there was a plot afoot to deprive them of speech.  At this point they had me hook line and sinker because I had some professors who were animals and should have been deprived of speech.

Who hatched this plot?  You remember from the original Wizard of Oz that the wizard had no super hero powers.  This appeared to be only a slight inconvenience to the flow of the play.  Soon, or maybe later (I dozed into the blessed realm of slumber from time to time) a magic book of spells appeared on stage, somewhat abruptly, as if a stagehand suddenly realized this play was moving like a bullet train running out of track.

But, before the magic spells happened, lots of dancing in colorful costumes took place, with dancers whirling around feverishly, while some of the major characters bobbed up and down defying gravity with the help of ropes and pulleys.  This brought great and wondrous reactions from the spellbound audience whose cheers made my eyes snap open in time to hear songs of no purpose sung for no particular reason.  I’ll tell you this, nobody walked out of the theater whistling any of those gems.

Romance, of course, got thrown in, just for comic relief.  At which point, I pondered the possibility that the good witch was bad and the bad witch was good.  Which was witch?  Well, the good witch, who might now be bad, appeared in the opening scene to be overjoyed that the bad witch, who might now be good, was dead.   But, of course, she wasn’t dead because she disappeared in a trap door and ran off with the good witch’s boyfriend.  Wow, never saw that coming!  The trap door, I mean.

I'm left with a myriad of questions.  So, in the original movie, the bad witch flung a lot of odiferous poo-poo around and died in a splash of water, which at the time call for Hoop Hoop Hoorays and a theater full of glowing smiles.  Am I now to believe that was a ghastly mistake, a severe misunderstanding?  How about Dorothy?  She liked the good witch, yes?  And how about the Munchkins?  They seemed pretty happy when the bad witch went up in a puff of water. 

I came to the theater to be enlightened, but now all I have are questions and a strong resolve to fain sickness if asked to sit through it again. Also, I'm never reading reviews again.  I'm blind to them.  So, don't even try to tempt me with sequels, such as:  More Wicked.  Dorothy's Big Secret. The Gay Wizard. Munchkins in Hell.  Accompanied by the usual word-bytes:  Immortal!  A show the family will love!  I'd see it again!

How about the truth?  Defies Logic!  A Show Your Demented Family Will Love!  I’d See It Again, only if the alternative is death!

That’s about it for Wicked!, except, in the middle there was an intermission where I downed two double gin and tonics in quick succession, and my son and I plotted an escape to the nearest pub.  Before we could make our getaway, the bell sounded for act two and we were once again trapped in the tedium of songs without meaning, centrifugal dancing, and a plot shiftier than a villain’s beady eyes.

But, in fairness, my wife loved it, and so did my son’s girlfriend, neither of whom could coherently explain why they loved it.  Why was that?  Do you cry at commercials featuring loveable puppies that are as soft as your towels if you use a certain laundry contaminant?  If you answer NO, then you already know the answer.

Wicked!  Is really an algebraic problem, solving for X and Y.  In this case I’m talking chromosomes.  I’ll give you a hint:  Y =0.  I still haven’t figured out X.