What’s the best hamburger you’ve ever eaten? Don’t tell me it was when you were eighteen in the dark of night, in the backseat with…. Be honest or dishonest, I don’t care because either way you don’t remember if you were clutching the hamburgers or the buns.
Let’s stick to your taste buds. Ah, maybe not. Let’s stick to a hamburger you remember.
Most burgers I’ve had were dry and/or tasteless, overcooked, and not worth the calories.
Now I’ll stop with nostalgia of your nights in the backseat, or the ruinous burgers and march on to how to make the best burger you’ll ever eat.
Rest easy. It’s not made with beef raised by Japanese farmers in Kyoto and sold at a price that matches what it costs to fix a Ferrari.
This hamburger is made with American beef and you make it in your kitchen. Which means you can drink wine while you cook and not worry about those sirens and pesky blinking red lights.
Ok. Time to pop the cork and get to cookin’! By the way, I prefer a polite red while I cook, or whatever you say, if you’re buying.
Do y’all know that outstanding Chef, Jamie Oliver? He offers a hamburger almost as good as the Careless Cook’s version.
Best Burger
Ingredients for two burgers
2 hamburger buns.
6 oz ground beef per burger, with about 84% lean. If you go too lean, your burger will be dry.
Cut a handful of strips of onions.
Slice some rounds of pickles. Enough to cover a bun. Any salty pickle will do. I make my own.
Mustard and Catchup.
Coarse salt.
Black pepper.
Unsalted spicy Cajun seasoning
Putting it together:
Stretch out some parchment paper.
Roll the ground beef into two balls until they are solid.
Slap each ball down on the paper. Mash it down with your palm.
Give each patty a good amount of coarse salt and black pepper, then add a good dose of unsalted Cajun spice. Use your palm or a spatula and press the patties to a medium thickness.
Add some olive oil to a large skillet and saute the strips of onion until they are browned
Before you take out the onions, open and brown each of the buns. Let them soak up the thin layer of oil.
Take out the buns. Don’t let them burn!
Put in the beef patties, spices down. Use your spatula to press the patties down a bit and let ‘em sizzle!
Add the onions on top of the burgers and flip ‘em over. I cook my burgers about 2-3 minutes on each side.
Put pickles on the bottom buns, then add catsup.
Put the burgers on the buns with the onions up.
Put mustard on the top bun.
Put the top bun on the burger!
Let it sit for a moment.
Press it down to allow the juices to absorb into the buns.
Cut the burger in half.
Ask your wife if she really wants to eat both halves of her burger.
Pour her another glass of wine. Compliment her on how much weight she’s lost.
